Here's the problem. Lidya has a friend from preschool, we'll call her Abigail. Lidya and Abigail spend all of their time together all day 5 days a week. Abigail is a little more than a year older than Lidya and so is very influential. This would be great if Abigail were teaching Lidya good stuff, how to treat people kindly, how to read, how to listen. But this is not the case. Lidya is copying really bad behavior. Lots of back talk and lots of bad, down right bratty behavior. At first I didn't want to blame Abigail but the more time they spend together the more Lidya turns into Abigail. Sometimes when I scold Lidya for really bad behavior she will even say I'm not copying Abigail. Now mind you I've never blamed Abigail for how Lidya is behaving, but Lidya knows that she is copying and testing me to see what I'll do. Lidya will be leaving her current daycare/preschool to start Pre-k this August. She really wants to continue to see Abigail and keeps planning these playdates which I never setup. Should I let her continue to play with Abigail or should I make excuses (basically lie) and hope she soon forgets Abigail. If Lidya hadn't had so many early losses in her little life already I wouldn't think twice. I would just cut the little brat out of her life but I worry about more losses. So what would you do?
5 comments:
Personally, I would confront Abigail's behavior if you are witnessing it and set rules at your house for acceptable behavior when playing with Lidya.
I believe in the "it takes a village" philosophy and helping kids to understand how their behavior is affecting others. It encourages a spirit of community and acceptance and teaches kids to be tolerant but also protective. Of course there are times when all of the teaching in the world doesn't help but at least the child will understand why someone isn't playing with them anymore.
I would also probably limit her time with Abigail. It sounds like she is important to Lidya and Lidya would probably notice when she is gone - even if she doesn't say anything.
Thanks Nancy for the great advice. The problem is I have a really hard time disciplining other people's children unless the Mom and are good friends. Abigail's Mom and I are not. I do let visiting kids know what the rules are at our house, but Abigail is a a special case. Not only does she misbehave but she argues with anybody who tries to correct her behavior. She is important to Lidya though and so I guess I'll have to suck it up and have her over for a playdate and just see how it goes. This will be good practice for me because I'm sure this will not be the last friend of Lidya's that I could do without :-0.
I say bye bye Abigail. At this stage you still have control over who her friends are, I would exercise it. Of course when she gets to be a teen that's a different story but for now...bye bye.
I agree with Graciez mom, if Lydia recognizes that the behavior is negative and connects that to Abigail, then she has the cognition to understand the separation.
Bye Bye Abby!!!! :)
Hey Terri & Robin,
Thanks so much for weighing in. I really just want to give Abigail the boot, and it's true I do still have control (probably not for much longer) over who she plays with. I just feel bad cause I know that Lidya will miss her, and I feel bad for Abigail because I know she has stuff going on in her life that makes her behave the way she does. But that's not for me to solve. Funny thing is when my son was little I never had second thoughts about cutting kids out of his life if I felt they were not good for him. I did it without any guilt. Hmmm this is a hard one.
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